


Life in the Hills and other fairytales First published in GQ UK June 2031

by SophiaSoames



Series: The Epilogue Series [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cooking, M/M, Marriage, Parenthood, Surrogacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 05:14:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8150305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaSoames/pseuds/SophiaSoames
Summary: Larry Shands is a freelance journalist who writes for magazines such as Vanity Fair, Attitude and Another Man. He a married  father of 3, loves vintage TV games, Swedish Meatballs and online shopping courtesy of his wife. He really does. His creditcard is on fire after his recent trip to LA, but if it makes his long suffering wife happy, So be it.Larry is the brainchild of a group of overexcited women in their 40ies having the most fun midlife crisis ever, featuring Harry Styles, Twitter rants, the discovery of Tumblr and a surprising taste for m/m romance.This is the second part of Larry's interview series with the Tomlinson-Styles family, aka ''The Epilogue Series''.There will be a part 3. Eventually.





	

Life in the Hills and other Fairy tales

Larry Shands meets the Tomlinson-Styles, Los Angeles, April 2031  
First published in GQ UK JUNE edition 2031

When I have interviewed celebrities before, the meeting is usually followed up by numerous emails and phone calls from their people to your editors. These emails are usually full of pleasantries and thank yous, but nearly always also contain requests, ranging from polite to outright demanding, for certain parts of the content to be angled in certain ways, or for whatever is being promoted to be given prominence. It is the way the world of celebrity journalism works, and, whatever one's views, the article needs to be given approval in order to see the light of day, so everyone needs to be happy.

What surprised me after meeting the Tomlinson-Styles in September last year was that the follow-up emails came directly from the two of them, not their people. Styles wrote to pass on some recipes that he had promised me, and Tomlinson to ask if we could meet again in the new year to talk about the new season of Dad’s Kitchen and the relaunch of I’m In The Band. The emails that followed have ranged from hilariously confusing to downright bonkers. We had to cancel twice before Easter due to workload and conflicting schedules. “If you can get him to agree on the shirt and aprons for the cover in time for shooting, then you are a better man than me,” Tomlinson wrote when Styles asked to delay our cover shoot, stating that neither man had slept for a month and had no decision-making skills left. Both have struggled to keep up with anything work-related since the arrival of twin daughters Meredith and Skylark, who were born in January making them fathers of six children in total. Tomlinson repeatedly apologises for not being able to spell, write proper sentences or make sense in his ramblings, and promises to get his PA to email me, as he does not trust his brain to make any kind of workable decisions while juggling the new-born twins and the rest of the family.

So when the time comes close to our deadline and Tomlinson invites me to fly out and meet them both in Los Angeles, where Styles is negotiating contracts for his new movie venture (which he won’t be able to speak about but which Tomlinson says is “stupidly sick”), I can only agree with stars in my eyes at the thought of a weekend in LA, child-free and with hours in business class to put my feet up. My wife is quick to remind me that I will be expected to shop for her, and help the kids with their homework via Skype as usual. Being the good husband that I am, I let her start browsing for the extensive list of American goods that I am sure she will be loading on to my phone before I go. Tomlinson’s personal assistant has been professional and prompt (but much less amusing), and I find myself sitting on the plane trying to think up witty questions, knowing full well that like last time I probably will not get a chance to ask any of them.

It is a glorious Southern Californian morning when I land in LAX. Tomlinson’s PA (and childhood friend) Oli Wright picks me up to drive me up to the Tomlinson-Styles' home in the Calabasas Hills. He is a Yorkshire man with vibrant red hair and an infections giggle, and has not lost his accent despite spending “far too much time” in LA. “I still can’t stand the place,” he says with a grin. “The sun’s too hot, the light's too bright, too many people and the fucking beach is just daft,” he laughs. “Give me the Yorkshire Dales any day!” Yet he is adamant he would not live his life any other way, and says working with “Tommo” has never felt like work. “It’s mostly hanging out with a mate from school having a laugh and sending a few emails”.

We hit the gates to the private estate as Wright is pointing out the homes of the neighbours. Most are famous household names, but he says none of them tend to socialise much. There is no local pub either, he points out, but he has built one in his back garden instead, much to his long-suffering wife’s annoyance.

There is another set of gates at the end of the drive, and we finally park on the edge of a huge lawn that would not look out of place in a nursery school, with a massive climbing frame and a sand pit. In the middle of the lawn there is a large glass-fronted summerhouse, and the swimming pool glitters invitingly in the distance. The ground in between is littered with toys, and a double pram is parked under an umbrella by the decked area to the side. I am greeted by Tomlinson and Styles, both wearing baby slings containing a twin each. Bram and Mimi appear for a quick hello before being whisked off by Tomlinson’s sister Doris, who is staying to help out with the kids.

Dad’s Kitchen, Styles' first solo venture onto British TV screens, was one of last year's television successes, and the DVD and a book were released just before Christmas. Season two will debut in May, and, with Niall Horan involved this time, there are golf and Irish references in the first episode, as Styles and Horan cook up a simple barbecue on the golf course, all dressed in whites. “They didn’t stay white for long, though,” Styles laughs as he leads me into the kitchen and offers iced tea, American-style. “You should have seen the state of Niall after the shoot. I think he binned his trousers – they were covered in mint sauce and honey glaze.” Styles makes the tea himself, using fresh mint, imported red bush and just a hint of apple juice for sweetness. He has a whole episode dedicated to drinks in season two, he explains, saying that drinks are neglected in cooking and should be made as carefully as a meal. He despairs at the popularity of commercial carbonated drinks, and has banned them from the house, although he knows full well that “there is contraband hidden in the summerhouse,” which brings laughter from Tomlinson.

I ask how the twins are getting on, and they both roll their eyes yet beam as they show off about the girls. “They were terribly premature, but we always knew there was a high chance of twins, and about the dangers of multiple pregnancies. My mother is a midwife and had two sets of twins,” Tomlinson explains, “so we went into this with a lot of knowledge and support, but it still never quite sinks in until you get home and realise you have two newborns, a two-year-old, a six-year-old, two teenagers and a husband, and you are majorly fucked in every way,” he continues in his trademark candid style. “We used to complain about lack of sleep,” Styles adds. “But we knew nothing. This is absolute chaos. Life before the twins was mad, but this has just been something else. I still absolutely adore it. Lou and I have slept in shifts for the last three months, but as long as we have each other we can do absolutely anything.” “We have had to learn to ask for help as well,” Tomlinson says while preparing bottles for the twins. “I am used to being able to do everything, and asking for help is hard – yet we realised early on that we couldn’t expect to keep working and raising the kids like we had before. Something had to give. Luckily we have had my sister come and help, and we have been truly blessed with our friends and family who... Well, they still speak to us, so I suppose they haven’t been too put off yet,” he laughs. “This life can seem like a fairytale,” Styles continues, his voice deep and emotional. “Sometimes this life is shit, in every imaginable way. I struggle at being enough, at being a good and fair dad, at making the right decisions, at not losing my temper with Lou and the kids... I do lose the plot, and I do struggle, and I think it’s important not to gloss that over. Parenthood is sometimes awful and hard and we are in no way perfect parents. We are not perfect spouses. We try, though, goddamn we try hard. Sometimes it’s really good, sometimes I cry myself to sleep. It’s life, we're only human.” Styles looks crushed for a minute, and the next he beams his famous smile at me and giggles as he picks up a baby bottle and pulls off Liam Payne’s famous microphone flip. “See? I’ve still got the wrist action!” he laughs as he wipes off droplets of the milk that has squirted a full 360 degree trail around the kitchen.

Wright comes back in carrying a load of washing, and winks as I stare at him loading the washing machine in the corner. “You think working for these guys is fun and glamorous?” He laughs and Tomlinson throws a well-aimed tea towel at him. “Oli has known me since school,” he says. “He’s a rock if there ever was one. Did he tell you he has built a pub in his back garden? It's bloody awesome, dartboard and pool table and all. It’s called The Ginger Knob,” he continues, as a pile of laundry comes flying through the air. I duck so I won’t get hit by a stray sock.

''Thank god for Oli'' Styles sighs, ''Without him all our whites would be pink and there would never ever be any clean socks or matching babygrows, ever''. ''Don't let him near the iron though'' Tomlinson laughs, ''He was the sole cause for some highly embarrasing emergency calls to Gucci after setting Hazza's shirt on fire the day before the Oscars.'' Oli's reply is not fit for printing, but I can assure you he takes no blame for the mentioned fire, but credits himself to saving Mr Styles from a major fashion disaster involving ''a flipping rank shirt''.

The warmth and ease of this family pulls me in. I find myself feeling right at home as we walk over to the summerhouse where Bram and Mimi are setting up the largest wooden train track that I think I have ever seen. Styles hands me baby Skylark and gets stuck in repairing a bridge that has come unstuck, and Bram squeals in delight when his train goes over without incident under Styles' careful watch. “I always loved Brio as a child. I had a Figure 8, and the pieces are all in here, the original ones from my childhood. I just got a bit carried away when the boys were little, buying more track, trains and bridges, and I like to come out here and play,” he giggles. The summerhouse, Tomlinson explains, was originally a meditation tea house, but “it’s never been a place of calm,” he laughs. I ask about the children’s names, intrigued by Skylark and the connection to Styles' early role in Christopher Nolan’s war epic Dunkirk. “They all have really personal names. We wrote them all down very early on in our relationship. There are more names, but I kind of think the girls will be our last,” Styles sighs. “There are no deep meanings in the names we chose for the kids,” Tomlinson continues. “They are just names we loved, and with every child the decision has been kind of taken out of our hands – we have kind of known who they were the moment they were placed in our arms. And, for once, I think Harry and I agree. I think more children would kill us,” he laughs as he wraps his arms around Styles, giving him a gentle peck on the cheek. I ask if any names were rejected or vetoed and they both laugh. “Yeah, anything that was already a song had to go,” Tomlinson smirks and points at Styles. “And Happily is NOT a name!” “I loved the idea of the name Happily, but it was a song first, and I had to give in to Lou on that one,” Styles admits, and he gives Tomlinson a playful swat over the head.

I ask if Styles will ever record again. Does he miss the stage? “I do, but I was young and brave then. The idea of standing up in front of a crowd of thousands and just being silly like I used to – the very idea terrifies me now. I’m just not that brave anymore. Yet the thrill of it sometimes comes back to me, and I remember why I loved it so much. I have written songs, and maybe one day it will be a good time to record them and see what I can do. I do backup vocals and demos for Liam – our voices just seem to work together, and I know how he likes things done, so it’s an easy day’s work for us to go in and just lay down the backing tracks. But other than that, maybe one day...” he says quietly.

The older boys have appeared, still sluggish with jetlag and dressed in their swimming trunks ready to dive in the pool. They are polite and well mannered, and clear away the empty drinks glasses as they leave, which impresses me. “We try to teach them well,” Tomlinson explains. “We have staff here in LA, but the kids know full well that they are here to help us work, and not to expect us to pick up after them, so all the rules still apply.” “He’s pretty terrifying at times,” Styles whispers with a giggle. “He does the same with me, makes me put my boots away at night and everything”.

I am, as before, amazed how time flies in the company of these two, but for once I manage to get out my list of questions when we are back at the table. The twins are asleep and Oli Wright joins us for another round of iced tea. This time it is green, with a hint of kiwi and decorated with lime and chopped coconut-sugared kale.

Styles grabs the list and a pen and starts writing down answers there and then, to “get the boring bits out of the way,” before handing over to Tomlinson to answer the I’m In The Band-related questions. According to his answers, parenthood is “awesome”, the main difference between life in LA and London is the weather and “having a pool and needing shades”, and Styles' hope for the future is that “someone will invent baby car seats for motorbikes,” referring to his neglected vintage Harley that he keeps here in LA. “I rarely ride it anymore. Lou refuses to go with me, and Freddie and Oli apparently think it’s uncool to ride with Dad,” Styles mutters, shaking his head. “It’s a Harley, man! Teenagers!!!”

Tomlinson speaks excitedly about the fifth season of I’m In The Band. “Malik and I will be back on the judging panel, with rapper LBF and singer Nina Cali making a welcome comeback. I know Nina and I have not always got along in front of the cameras, but that’s what we need to do, sometimes – argue our case – and she’s a great, great judge for this show. I just know this season is going to produce some fireworks.” I ask if they will kick off their now traditional Twitter fight before the show starts, and Tomlinson gives me a wicked grin. “Oh yes. Bring it on baby, bring it on,” he teases. “For the mentors,” he continues, “Chessie Ewan will be back along with pianist Sebastian Iris, and we have some amazing songwriters coming in for the masterclasses.” As always, there will be surprise guest artists, and the contestants, Tomlinson assures me, are world class. “We have a guy on the bagpipes this year, not quite what you'd expect in a band, but I can bet you he will be a popular steal for the live shows – if he makes it through. Remember, it’s the public who votes in the end!” The public voting has not always gone down well on the judging panel. “It's half expected that I will kick off and throw a tantrum at some point,” Tomlinson says, still sporting his famous grin. “He’s hopeless when he is on that panel,” Styles says with sarcasm. “Full-on prima donna 24/7. We all have to be on best behaviour in case Sir loses a contestant.” They two of them start trying to kick each other’s feet under the table, raising sighs from Wright, as Freddie shouts “behave!” from the pool deck, raising his voice in the same tone as his father.

It seems an interview with the Tomlinson-Styles is never complete without dinner, and at about 5pm Wright is dispatched to get pizza, as Styles goes down to supervise the kids by the pool, and Tomlinson and his sister get the twins ready for bed. The garden is decked in fairy lights that create a magical feel, with the meditation tea house cum summerhouse lit up like a glass castle in the fading light. The evening is mild and when the pizza arrives steaming hot the family all pile onto the oversized garden furniture. Tomlinson is handing out paper napkins, picking up and re attaching Bram’s bib as he goes, Freddie is pouring mint and cucumber water for everyone, and Mimi is offering garlic dough balls straight from the box, proudly explaining that they are “absolutely yum”. For a brief moment there is silence, and I find myself having to look away as I catch Tomlinson with his arms around his husband. The moment is brief but intensely intimate, and I am reminded of why these two men have attracted such a following as a couple. I would lie if I said they are not an adorable sight, sleep-deprived and rugged; there is an aura about them that, as a straight married man, I hate to admit to noticing. I struggle to find the right words for what I am experiencing, but I come to the conclusion that I am slightly in awe of the look in Tomlinson’s eyes when I catch him gazing at his husband like he has forgotten that anyone else is in the room. And at the risk of getting an ear-bashing from my gorgeous wife when I get home, and an invitation to take up residence in the spare room, I have to admit that I am jealous of the way Styles reaches out to brush his fingers over Tomlinson’s arm whenever they pass – well-practiced gesture like he needs to check that the other man is real.

Styles walks me back to the car after I have said my goodbyes. I ask him if I have garlic sauce on my face before I am crushed into one of his famous bear hugs, and he checks his own hair for stray food before shaking out his curls and apologising for the appalling junk food served for dinner. “I just haven’t got the strength to cook at the moment. I can barely manage to pour cereal into bowls for breakfast these days,” he says with an embarrassed smile.

I don’t blame him at all, I tell Wright as we drive through the gates. I think he deserves a break.

Season two of Dad’s Kitchen with Harry Styles starts on BBC1 on 21 June 2031. I’m In The Band starts on ITV 1 August 2031.

Larry Shands 2031. All rights reserved.


End file.
